those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
