I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
