Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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