Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
