watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
this is an emotional support booty call
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
