I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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