your room smells of hookers.
And success
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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