now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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