your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
