in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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