Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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