the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
