Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
