The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need to calm my uterus...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
