none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize