If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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