It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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