alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
