I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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