she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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