Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
