she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
