her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
