Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
