So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
