hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
