I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
