I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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