When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
