Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
