Betty ford says i'm here all night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And then he peed in my hair
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