she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you would pick up someone in the library
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
