Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How external is "for external use only"?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
