I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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