Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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