Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
