I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
