If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
