I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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