what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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