im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
