So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
