Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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