You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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