There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
