So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
