sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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