My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
