Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
