too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
