Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
