Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
