Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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