We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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