i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
