Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
