I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.