I got chris browned last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!