Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.