This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.