The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!