just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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