she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
