All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize