The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
