Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
