I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
