My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
