If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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