the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
