So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
