New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
