You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
