It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
