Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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