walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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