friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
