Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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