I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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